So, if you know me you know I've been working as a graphic designer. My first job out of college, a real salary position, and with a publishing company. Everyone I'd talked to about it thought it sounded pretty glamorous and asked how fun it was. And although I know that it sounded pretty awesome, everyone could tell I was a little weird about it. It was pretty stressful, honestly. I didn't go to school to be a designer, and I just felt a little off-balance not being able to do as good of a job as I wanted. Even when I stayed late, worked a 50 hour week, I still felt behind. It probably took me a lot longer than the other designers to do anything, because I was still trying to learn how to use photoshop.
It was really frustrating to me, because feeling inadequate at my job is a feeling I've never had to deal with before. When I came home everyday I was pretty stressed, had a bad headache, and wasn't getting lot of sleep. I even gained 15 pounds, which is a huge issue for me, because I'd just spent months and months getting rid of those; now I have to start over. So knowing that this job was just something I thought I would try for a while, I was just trying to tough it out. On bad days I'd text Jake and half-jokingly ask him if I could just quit, and just not go back. I was pressuring him to look for jobs out of state because that way I'd have a good excuse to leave.
A friend of ours is applying to med schools and asked me if I could look over his application essays. When doing that I was surprised to realize how much I missed editing. Words are a million times more fun for me than pictures. But who can turn down a job in this economy? I didn't know if we should move somewhere else, or if we should stay here where I had a job and we already have a place to live and everything. When things were safe and secure here, I couldn't justify taking off on an unstable adventure. I was so stressed out by my job, but I hadn't been there long and thought I should just keep working and figure it out. But I was praying that Jake would find something far away, or something else would happen so I could leave my job without feeling guilt for leaving them in a lurch. Then this week, I was let go. They were concerned about all the same things I was stressing about, and figured it was time to find someone that could actually do the job.
Sure I was upset at first, being fired isn't exactly a picnic. But Heavenly Father knew what was best, and helped me make the decision. And the headache and pit in my stomach that have been there all month are gone. The past couple of days I've found myself stressing about a deadline coming up or wondering what I should do for ideas, and then I remember that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm a little sad to leave Cedar Fort, they're a nice company, but honestly I hated that job. I look forward to finding a real editing job and getting back to what I love, not to mention something I'm actually good at.
